Yesterday, I was at work for only half an hour when I received a text from a very dear friend of mine. Her brother had been killed at work. He was twenty-two and working at the Minot Air Force base near Bismarck, North Dakota. I hopped up from my chair and paced out into the hall looking for someone to comfort me and not let me be alone for a few minutes. There was none. I went back to my computer then I started sobbing. As soon as I could breathe, I went and told my boss that I had to leave. I had to run away.
Shortly, afterwards I was lying sideways across my boyfriend’s lap as I cried, my tears dropping off my nose and soaking into the couch pillows. The rest of my day was spent crying, sleeping, or barely going through the motions of life.
I did not personally know Richie Gallelli. His family moved away in June 2000 but I’ve been in contact with his elder sister, my friend, since they left. So my knowledge of Richie is peripheral, this younger brother moving around in the background of my friend’s stories. He’s someone I don’t know, but I have felt the tender love and affection his sister has when she spoke of him over the years.
I cannot imagine the pain of losing your sibling, someone who is often the only person who knows and shares the exact same background as yourself. Siblings are often the closest companion that we neglect to speak of in our dedications and our thanks. Yet, a sibling’s influence on our lives cannot be overestimated since they are also share our genetic code and have seen you in your best and worst moments. They have blackmail on you that could end your political career if you ever wanted to have one. They are also the person you fell asleep against in the backseat of the car.
I do not know him. But I have felt his importance and the after shocks of his departure echoing and ringing in my ears. He was just a kid at twenty-two. I feel helpless in not knowing how to share my grief with his sister in a way that lets her know I empathize and care, but without adding extra pain to her heart.
At the end of the day yesterday, I realized that my most fervent hope above all else is that Richie never saw it coming and he never felt any pain. We can slowly heal our own hearts with time, love and support. But we can never turn back time and spare our loved one’s the pain they may have suffered. I hope Richie went ignorant of his impending death and that he rests easy now.
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