A Ghost of Daisies

Inspired by this blog, I feel that it’s time I fess up here on my own blog about why I’ve been sucking at keeping this blog updated.

I’ve become depressed again.

So what is it like? For me, depression is suffocating. I want to stop functioning and just sleep and sleep and sleep but the anxiety kicks in where I fear getting in trouble if I don’t go to work, to school, etc. I feel brow-beaten and heavy. In high school I visualized it as heavy, broken, black wings that I was unable to lift off my heart. Sometimes it makes me restless where I pace and am aggravated till I fidget. Other times I’ll sit still for hours in my computer chair blandly functioning on a low level. Doing nothing for hours. Sometimes I want to scream I get so upset at situations I can’t control. It’s frustrating to feel this way when other people seem to be able to handle everyday life.

I’ve entered counseling to try and change this downward slope I’m on. There is also the fact that I’m very lonely out here at grad school. I have my fantastic roommate, but she’s got her BFF and a whole group of people to go spend time with. So far I’ve been unsuccessful in finding people to hang out with. I am hoping to change that by being more involved with school activities.

So here is my declaration: I’m not ashamed of my depression. It happens, it is happening to me. I am not alone.

Shiver’s Damion and Talia

So I woke my computer up this morning only to discover that it had lost it’s ability to see it’s network adapters.It said that a network cable was unplugged. I checked and resecured them. I then looked in network connections and found out that everything had disappeared with no icons.I’ve tried all the suggestions I could find online to restore it to no avail, even did a system restore. Now I’m in DOS mode and having it check the HD for issues but if this doesn’t work, I guess I’ll have to reinstall Windows.

In System > Hardware Devices, my network adapter was missing from the line-up unless I choose show hidden devices. By doing that, I saw that the computer reported no problems with the network adapter. So I’m at a loss. I’ve just ran the Repair Windows option and it still isn’t working.

So now I’m going to copy the partition for my HD and then reinstall Windows. :

* so·lip·sism
* Pronunciation: \?s?-l?p-?si-z?m, ?sä-\
* Function: noun
* Etymology: Latin solus alone + ipse self
* Date: 1874

: a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing; also : extreme egocentrism

As introduced to here by geckophobe

Looks like Google has found a way to get out of copyright books available for readers to print on the cheap.

Neller said the deal was clearly about the long tail of books, a reference to Wired magazine’s Editor-in-Chief Chris Anderson’s theory that hits become less important when distribution costs drop. One of the main benefits, according to Neller, is letting local book stores compete with Amazon.com by reducing their need to have expensive inventory.

For librarians this means that older books can be obtainable for much cheaper prices than trying to secure the books expensively online. Or that older copies of books won’t be damaged since copies can be printed out and sold that leaves the authentic original copies intact.

Source

My room’s meme from Deviantart

Amanda on the Blue Ridge Parkway

I only spent 2.5 hrs on this. The little wild hairs about my neck gave me the most trouble. I looked too strange w/o them so I just gave up and kept them looking all weird.

I went to Barnes and Noble today to look for a new school planner so I can better plan my life. However, I ended up in front of the journals and after much debating and soul-searching settle on this beauty. It cost $33 and has 500 pages. It also weighs 2 lbs and is 2 inches thick.

When I found it, I immediately fell in love. The prospect of filling it with sketches, words, and anything else I can think of makes me super happy. I’m telling myself that it costs me $11 each time I buy a small Moleskine and it should take me years to fill up this baby.

The chicken receipe is from Robin Miller’s book, Quick Fix Meals. It came out delicious though a bit spicy. It was suppose to take 10 minutes to prepare but whether it was me or the book is off, I spent half an hour prepping the chicken before sliding it into the oven. I then boiled the pasta shells and added butter to them.